I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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