She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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