apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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