I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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