That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize