so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
