I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
