I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
