he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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