i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
