A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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