I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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