I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
