you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's get the cat blown out
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize