i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Even my vagina gasped.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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