You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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