I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
