On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
