I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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