she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
