This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You smell like stripper and shame
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
