Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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