i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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