Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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