Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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