what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
