Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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