is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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