I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize