im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
