So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
