do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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