That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
