Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
