You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
