i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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