So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
