apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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