her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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