What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
