Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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