How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
