I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
