Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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