just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
