dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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