there's paper in my vomit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
