party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
