She is in my trunk
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
