she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
