Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
