If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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