No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
