He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
