There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
high people should be assigned attendants
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize