dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
