God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I still have a little drunk in my system
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize