You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
