you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
