we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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