You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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