i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
